Chestnuts, Candy Canes, and Bing

I cannot believe that it is almost Christmas. Wasn't it only yesterday that we were celebrating a new year!!!!! As I get older I'm amazed at how our perception of time changes. When I was 8 it seemed to take 3 years to get from December 1st to December 25th!!! It is now the 3rd, and Christmas is 3 weeks away!!!! How did that happen!!!! One good thing is that I can say, "I'm on vacation!". The semester is almost over, and we had our last official Wesley of the year this past Tuesday. We wrapped up our semester long series "Chronicle" Tuesday. Man what a night. We have been looking at the over lying story of God this semester and we ended with his return. I was leading worship, and not only am I continually amazed at the talent we have been blessed with, but I am continually at awe of how God can move. I know I am biased, but I do have the best worship leaders and musicians out there.

It is about 10:30 in the morning, and I have Christmas music playing, much to the chagrin of my roommates, but who cares, its Christmas!!!! I went to a little coffee shop this morning for my quiet time, and as I am walking up, a lady at the door remarked about my TCU beanie that I was wearing. I was of course excited to proclaim my allegiance to the Frogs, as well as relish in the fact that somebody outside of the DFW area even knew who they were. As we walked inside, I discovered that her brother was the mascot in '88 and '89. Wow, what a small world. Ok enough about TCU.

I was at lunch the other day with some friends and we started talking about the various "relationship" books out there for people to read. We discussed our opinions on the books, and I mentioned that I had been really wanting to read the book "Wild at Heart". My friends glanced at me with a small bit of skepticism knowing of my disdain for those types of books. Well I decided to pick up a copy, and have been reading a chapter a day since then. All I can say is I am glad I did. The author is weaving a tale of how every man wants adventure, danger, and to rescue the damsel in distress, and how that is actual God's desire for men. Holy cow!! I thought I was the only one that felt this way, and it was because I watched to many movies!!! I look back at my last post and what I wrote about becoming the man of God my future wife deserves, and now reading this book, I have a better idea of what that looks like.

I am excited for the future, and for Christmas, and for next semester. As we all continue to grow, I want to say don't be afraid to ask for more, don't be afraid of breaking through that glass ceiling. God has more for us!!!

Cigars, Donuts, and Chocolate Milk

It is 4:30 at night, and I have to be up in a couple of hours. I can't sleep. There are so many things running through my head right now, that I don't know where to start. I am dealing with loneliness, jealousy, uncertainty, and hope all at the same time. Two of my roommates are in Nashville right now at a Youth Leaders convention. I am excited for them and what they are learning. That leaves me here in this house with my other roommate. I am incredibly blessed to live with these three men. As I struggle with my finances and how I am going to pay next month's rent, these men have given me grace and provided for me in many ways. As a gesture of thanks, I was able to purchase some cigars for the household. An exciting thing that we discovered earlier this year is that we all have a liking of good cigars. We often hold cigar nights where we sit out on the deck smoke and talk about our lives. You would think that we talk about girls and sports, but we spend the entire time discussing our lives, what God is doing, where we are struggling, and what our hopes and dreams are for. One of the pillars that CFL Wesley is founded on is discipleship, and for us this takes the form of a good cigar. Last night my roommate and I sat on the deck smoked some cigars and talked about God's call in our lives. He shared with me his path he is walking on toward being a pastor and I talked about mine to being a worship leader. What an uplifting time for me. This all culminated in our desire for donuts and chocolate milk at 2:00 in the morning. I will cherish this time, as well as the time I spend in this house with these men.

I continue to struggle with loneliness. I am 30, and my friends from high school are all married, most have kids, and "normal" adult lives. Me, I am still in school, live with 3 guys who are almost 10 years younger than me, and sometimes I feel out of place. Why am I single? Why can't I find that one girl? Will I ever get married? These are questions that I always ask myself. Will I meet her? Yes I will, and she will be amazing. I have thought a few times that I have met her, and guess what I was wrong. Did I mess it up? No, I didn't. I know that God ended those few relationships for a reason, and it is because they weren't right for me, I wasn't right for them, and that he has someone so much better for me. So why can't I meet her now? Well, God is not ready for me too. He continually shows me that he still has some work left on me. I know that my patience will be rewarded, but man it is hard to be patient. God is working on me and making me into the man of God that deserves the woman of God he has chosen for me. That being said, to my future wife, I cannot wait to finally meet you. I know God has many grand adventures planned for us, he has amazing children waiting for us, and he is molding me into the man of God that you deserve and know that I will love you more than anything.

As my alarm slowly creeps toward going off, I leave you. I thank you for reading my rants and sticking through to the end of this post. I am now off to make a list of songs for a good friend of mine as I try to educate them on the finer intricacies of what I consider good music. Good night and God bless.

How He Loves

Friday night, I had the chance to go to a worship concert by John Mark McMillan. He is an amazing songwriter, and truly writes from his heart. He wrote the worship anthem "How He Loves" which is about how much God loves us no matter what. He also wrote a song called "Skeleton Bones". These are both songs we have played at Wesley, and the students have really responded to them musically as well as lyrically. We introduced "How He Loves" about 3 years ago, and what I have come to realize is that the song seems to be overplayed. We haven't done the song in a while, and I have heard people complain, saying "I really don't like that song anymore". I tend to agree with them for the most part. I believe that when a worship song really takes off at a church, it is really easy to overplay it and for the congregation to become de-sensitized to it. So the question as a worship leader is, "How do I keep things fresh?" I doesn't matter how many times I hear "How He Loves", it always moves me. I do however pray very hard when I feel it should be done at Wesley. It has become such an emotional song to so many people, it is easy to think, I need a strong emotional response at this point in the service so I will play this song that I know will guarantee a response.

The last time I played "How He Loves" in a worship service was for a highschool youth service at a church out on the coast of Florida. The amazing thing that happened that night was that God used that song to reach those kids, and allowed a moment for Andy (the speaker that night) to let the kids know how much God really loved them. As we were ending the song, Andy got up and told them about how he proposed to his wife, and that it was a way for him to tell the whole world how much he loved his wife. He said he wasn't afraid to proclaim his love, and that God proclaims his love even more than that. That is how much God loves you.

I will always love this song, and it will always be a part of my song list for services. The one thing I am becoming aware of though, is that in all services, it is not about what sounds good together or what flows well, but what does God want to say to these people today. I will always spend time in prayer while selecting a set and I try to allow God to guide my choices, especially when he says, "Play this song that everyone is getting tired of, because I am going to speak to someone through this song." The cool thing is sometimes the person he wants to speak to is not someone in the crowd, but me.

Here is John Mark McMillan playing "How He Loves". If you have heard this song, please listen knowing that God loves you. If you have never heard this song please listen and now that God loves you.

The Little Drummer Boy

Today has been a tough day for me. I, as well as the entire music ministry at my church found out this morning that one of our own, a drummer, was killed by a drunk driver last night while on vacation in the Tampa Bay area. Whats even more tragic is that not only is Roy gone, but so are his three sons who were in the car with him. Because of a selfish act by an irresponsible boy, there are now three wives without their husbands, a mother with no sons, and two infants that will now grow up never knowing there fathers.

I am angry, I am sad, I am numb, and at the same time I am excited. Roy was a drummer, a tri-athlete , but more importantly a man of God who showed the greatest faith I have ever seen in a man. He also passed this on to his three sons. I know I will be able to sleep tonight knowing that he and his boys are in paradise right now.

I have two great memories of Roy. One is of him always getting so into the music that he would start singing along, loudly. The only this is, Roy couldn't sing! What I heard though was the authentication of Psalms 150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!"

My second memory is of Christmas a few years ago. Roy wanted to do a special song, and he asked if we could do "Little Drummer Boy". I remember looking over and not only seeing him, but seeing three drummers playing in perfect sync, giving there all in worship to God.

As a musician I reflected on those lyrics.

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

Here is a child who has nothing, and he is seeing these amazing gifts that were offered to Jesus, he wanted to do the same but he nothing to give. What he did have was passion and talent. He played his heart out and gave all of himself to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Roy did that every time he picked up a set of drum sticks. Roy was not Neil Pert or Buddy Rich or Stewart Copeland, or any of the legendary drummers. I do know this though, Roy is in heaven right now playing his heart out for the King of Kings.

Roy we miss you. Your family is in our prayers. Keep the band jammin' up there till we can join you, and Neil, Buddy, and Stewart ain't got nothing on you now!!!

Long Day

Well, my sins seem to have caught up to me. What started out as a good day turned into a not so good day. What I can say is that I am not surprised at all at what happened. I know I am flawed and have wanted to address those issues, but was reluctant to do so. Once you are in a pattern it is easy to stay in that pattern. I pray that today's events will be the catalyst for changes I need to make. I have a strong foundation of friends, a mentor who is God given, a family that does love me, even though I might not think it, and most importantly, I have a Savior that loves me and forgives me and will stand along side me at all points through this new journey.

I stand here today and I proclaim that I am a new person. I am ready to step up take responsibility, and be the man of God I am called to be. Not for my parents, not for my friends, but for me. It is going to be hard, and I am going to suffer, but I will come out of this stronger, and better equipped to do what God has called me to do. I am standing on the edge looking out, and I will be honest in saying I am terrified. I do know that no matter how scared I might be, God is there and he will not let any harm come to me. So if you are reading this, please say a prayer for me, because more than anything else, I know that prayer will go along way.

inadequate

It is almost 3 in the morning, and I am awake and can't sleep. I haven't posted in a while because I have been busy and lazy to be honest. Summer Wesley starts tomorrow, and I will finally have some sort of a schedule, and I am looking forward to that. As Summer Wesley starts up again, I will be able to keep doing one of the things I love most. This past year, God has really shown me glimpses of what he has in store for me. I am so incredibly excited for God's plan in my life, and I feel that I am starting down that path as we speak. I feel though, as I stand on the precipice of this new journey and look out at what amazing opportunities God is laying for me, that I will do nothing but stumble and fail. Why is it that when God has given me so much and for once everything from my faith, to my music, to my personal life seem to be unfolding for the better I feel that I don't deserve any of it. I see all the possibilities and all I think is "why me? why not someone better? I can't do this, you know I will fail." As I start to spend time in the word though, I am comforted by the fact that other people that God used for great things felt the same way I do. I am also blessed to have amazing friends that see more in me than I do, and are willing to smack me around to get me on the right track. Yes I feel inadequate, but that is how God wants it I think, so that when I do achieve great things, it will be because of his amazing Glory.

I am at a loss right now

I really am at a loss for what to say tonight. I experienced God tonight leading worship, and had a great time with friends of mine after. I am amazed at the awesome God I serve, but even after all of that, I still feel empty. I don't know what it is, I just know that even though God is with me, I just feel abandoned and empty. If anyone out there feels led to say a prayer for me, I would greatly appreciate it. I just pray that God will reveal himself and that he will fill my heart to overflowing with his grace.