Cigars, Donuts, and Chocolate Milk

It is 4:30 at night, and I have to be up in a couple of hours. I can't sleep. There are so many things running through my head right now, that I don't know where to start. I am dealing with loneliness, jealousy, uncertainty, and hope all at the same time. Two of my roommates are in Nashville right now at a Youth Leaders convention. I am excited for them and what they are learning. That leaves me here in this house with my other roommate. I am incredibly blessed to live with these three men. As I struggle with my finances and how I am going to pay next month's rent, these men have given me grace and provided for me in many ways. As a gesture of thanks, I was able to purchase some cigars for the household. An exciting thing that we discovered earlier this year is that we all have a liking of good cigars. We often hold cigar nights where we sit out on the deck smoke and talk about our lives. You would think that we talk about girls and sports, but we spend the entire time discussing our lives, what God is doing, where we are struggling, and what our hopes and dreams are for. One of the pillars that CFL Wesley is founded on is discipleship, and for us this takes the form of a good cigar. Last night my roommate and I sat on the deck smoked some cigars and talked about God's call in our lives. He shared with me his path he is walking on toward being a pastor and I talked about mine to being a worship leader. What an uplifting time for me. This all culminated in our desire for donuts and chocolate milk at 2:00 in the morning. I will cherish this time, as well as the time I spend in this house with these men.

I continue to struggle with loneliness. I am 30, and my friends from high school are all married, most have kids, and "normal" adult lives. Me, I am still in school, live with 3 guys who are almost 10 years younger than me, and sometimes I feel out of place. Why am I single? Why can't I find that one girl? Will I ever get married? These are questions that I always ask myself. Will I meet her? Yes I will, and she will be amazing. I have thought a few times that I have met her, and guess what I was wrong. Did I mess it up? No, I didn't. I know that God ended those few relationships for a reason, and it is because they weren't right for me, I wasn't right for them, and that he has someone so much better for me. So why can't I meet her now? Well, God is not ready for me too. He continually shows me that he still has some work left on me. I know that my patience will be rewarded, but man it is hard to be patient. God is working on me and making me into the man of God that deserves the woman of God he has chosen for me. That being said, to my future wife, I cannot wait to finally meet you. I know God has many grand adventures planned for us, he has amazing children waiting for us, and he is molding me into the man of God that you deserve and know that I will love you more than anything.

As my alarm slowly creeps toward going off, I leave you. I thank you for reading my rants and sticking through to the end of this post. I am now off to make a list of songs for a good friend of mine as I try to educate them on the finer intricacies of what I consider good music. Good night and God bless.